August 2020

From the How Did We Get Here Series

Now: A young lady walks out of an automatic carwash nude. A couple of employees, a mix of male and females look confused but otherwise seem disinterested.

Before: Erica always wanted to try leaving her car as it begins its journey through the local carwash. The 16 year old had no real good reason for wanting to do so. She finally got up enough courage and decided to try it today. To save her shoes, Erica decided to remove them before she leaves her car. As the car begins to roll through the carwash, she jumps out of the vehicle and tries to navigate through the machinery as rollers spin and water shoots from everywhere. As she gets near the end of the carwash, a roller catches a loose piece of her sundress and in an instant, rips the dress from her body leaving her completely nude.

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Young boy standing on a sidewalk. He is crying as urine streams down his pant leg.

Before: Boy starts to step out into the street. Boy nearly gets run over by a speeding car. He pees himself. He starts to cry because he pees himself and doesn’t look forward to explaining it to his mother. Yep. That is pretty much all that happened here.

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Young man sits in his apartment in handcuffs. Police are confiscating his laptop. Girlfriend is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and crying.

Before: Jim couldn’t believe his luck. He was an out of work computer programmer who hacked occasionally on the side to pick up some extra money. While at a small coffee shop the previous day, he was approached by a young lady who seemed to know his credentials asking Jim if he could help move some computer files around. It was quick easy money so Jim was quick to agree. As Jim sat down at his computer the next day, he tried to log into the primary account that was going to transfer this lady’s money only to see a pop-up window that said “Incorrect Username/Password combination – Please try again.” Well, he did try again…three times. Behind the scenes, the account was locked out, the police alerted, and poor Jim arrested.

Even More Detail: The girl who gave Jim the website to visit couldn’t have been more pleased. The first time he tried to log in, her program went into action as it drained every dime from Jim’s bank account. The small conversation they had in the coffee shop was enough for her to glean the needed information she required for the heist. So, while Jim thought he was doing one thing she was doing another. Jim’s girlfriend is on the couch crying because she wanted to drain his bank account that morning and leave him that evening but when she logged into it the account was already empty.

Image from Cheezburger.com

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: A small group of people surround a young woman who is laying on the ground outside of a Steak and Shake screaming and crying. She is in a fetal position.

Before: Emily has always been about…Emily. So, she saw the announcement on the news about a new Steak and Shake opening nearby and she just couldn’t resist. Emily wanted to be the first person in line. Emily arrives and immediate moves to the front of the line directly in front of a smaller younger girl. Shortly thereafter she experiences an immense pain as she is yanked by her pony tail and brought quickly to the ground. A knee presses into her neck and the smaller younger girl explains how life for Emily at this very moment is a gift that should be enjoyed elsewhere.

Note: This story is actually based on true events. I took liberty with the victims name but I think it might have been slutty Amy or something like that. Names. Words. Whatever.

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Beautiful woman wearing a very light and revealing sundress is standing next to an apartment door. Beneath her dress on the floor is a small pile of fresh fecal matter. If you look at the pile just right, you can see the heat emanating from it.

Setup: The middle aged woman goes to a nearby Dairy Queen for a banana split knowing that she is completely lactose intolerant. Her husband just left her so she has decided to bury her sorrows in a nice ice cream sundae.

The problem begins about 30 minutes later as the woman is trying to get to her apartment after the pains in her stomach begin. She has just enough time to kick off her flip flops before the warm liquid leaves her ass and deposits on the Welcome mat beneath her bare feet. Her apartment key is in her hand but never makes it to the lock.

A young man sees the beautiful woman and decides to walk over to her and start a conversation. He gets within a few feet of her and smells the shit beneath her dress. He quickly grabs his nose and walks away in the opposite direction. No words spoken. Woman horrified. Reputation earned. Nickname acquired.

– From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: An old man is standing outside naked holding the daily newspaper in his hand. Next door, an old lady screams in horror.

Before: First, a fact. The older you get the less you like wearing clothes. The old man in this story is not wearing clothes. He was wondering around his flat naked when he realized that he forgot to run outside and get the newspaper. So, he simply walks outside to get it. An old lady sees him and claims that he is outside flashing people. While a true statement, the old man is just getting his newspaper. The old lady is just collateral damage.