April 29, 2021

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Matt Hagen used a kitchen towel to stop the small flow of blood from his mouth. The injury was from Matt’s wife Heather who had possibly just heard the weirdest excuse her husband had ever given her for not completing an assigned task. She reacted to the story by simply punching him in the face. After the last lie he told, what could she do?

Before: Matt Hagen had been given the stupid task of grocery shopping at Costco by his wife Heather who couldn’t be bothered on this gloomy spring day. He hated grocery shopping. His wife was almost militant about the way he was supposed to buy groceries, what to buy, and most certainly what not to buy. He gave in to her demands because of a small lie he had told recently. He didn’t know how many errands he would have to run before she’d forgive him.

He went golfing with his friends last weekend instead of attending a wedding with his wife. He told his wife that he had to work on Saturday and couldn’t get out of it. He would have gotten away with it but his friend Jeff wasn’t very bright and forgot that he wasn’t supposed to say anything. He did. Heather Hagan turned into another woman after that. Not very kind to Matt, at all.

As Matt was finishing the loading of the groceries, a large fat Raven swooped down, ripped open the pack of steaks he had just bought, and flew off with both of them. This was Alaska. Weird shit happened here. The right thing to do would have been to go back into the store and see about getting his money back. That was a hassle.

He was fairly certain that when he told his wife what had happened, she would understand.